Episode 4

The Cost of Approval-Seeking: Why You Can't Say No & How to Stop People-Pleasing

Published on: 24th November, 2025

THE COST OF APPROVAL-SEEKING: WHY YOU CAN'T SAY NO & HOW TO STOP PEOPLE-PLEASING

You say yes when you mean no. You accommodate when you want to refuse. You bend yourself into shapes to keep others comfortable while your own needs go unmet. And you're exhausted.

People-pleasing isn't a personality flaw—it's a survival strategy you learned when keeping others happy meant staying safe. But the strategy that protected you then is limiting you now.


In this episode, we break down where people-pleasing comes from, what it's actually costing you, and how to start choosing yourself without drowning in guilt.


WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why people-pleasing is a survival strategy, not a character flaw

- The childhood environments that teach us our needs don't matter

- The exhaustion of constant accommodation; monitoring others' emotions, suppressing your needs, losing yourself

- The connection between people-pleasing and the fawn trauma response

- What people-pleasing actually costs: relationships, health, sense of self

- How to recognize when "being nice" is actually self-abandonment

- The difference between kindness and compulsive accommodation

- Why saying no feels so terrifying (and how to do it anyway)

- How to handle guilt when you start setting boundaries

- Why selfishness isn't inherently bad and why you need some to survive


This episode asks the question: "What am I giving up within myself to make sure this person's life runs smoothly and mine doesn't?"


If you're tired of bending, accommodating, and disappearing for others this episode will help you understand why it's happening and how to reclaim yourself.


SUBMIT YOUR STORY OR QUESTION:

Are you working on breaking people-pleasing patterns? Share your story or ask a question. Send written letters or voice messages to letters@alottogrowtrough.com or visit alottogrowthrough.com


CONNECT WITH A LOT TO GROW THROUGH:

Website: alottogrowthrough.com

Instagram: @altgtpodcast

Threads: @altgtpodcast

Bluesky: @altgtpodcast

YouTube: A Lot To Grow Through

Facebook: A Lot To Grow Through


RATE & REVIEW:

If this episode helped you see your people-pleasing patterns more clearly, please leave a rating and review. It helps others who need this find their way here.


CONTENT ADVISORY: This podcast discusses trauma responses, childhood experiences, toxic relationship patterns, and mental health topics. Please practice self-care while listening.


A Lot To Grow Through is a podcast about real healing, real conversations, and no filter. Hosted by Artis Desjardins, this is a space for thoughtful conversations on healing, growth, and the art of becoming. Here, you'll understand you have to grow through it, not just go through it.

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About the Podcast

A Lot To Grow Through
Real healing. Real conversations. No filter.
Mental wellness isn't a destination. It's a sophisticated, ongoing practice of understanding ourselves; our patterns, our pain, our potential.

A Lot To Grow Through returns after four years as a space for nuanced conversations about the inner work that transforms us. Hosted by Artis Desjardins, a mental health advocate committed to elevating the discourse around healing and growth, ALTGT is designed for listeners who value depth, intelligence, and intentionality.

Each week, you'll find:

Solo Reflections - Artis explores frameworks, philosophies, and practices that inform meaningful growth, offering perspective shaped by years of personal healing work and extensive study of psychological approaches.

In-Depth Conversations - Dialogues with therapists, researchers, authors, and individuals whose experiences offer genuine insight. These aren't surface-level interviews—they're substantial explorations of complex topics.

Listener Dialogues - Your questions, reflections, and experiences become part of our shared exploration, creating space for collective wisdom and meaningful exchange.

ALTGT approaches mental wellness with the depth it deserves. We don't oversimplify. We don't offer quick fixes. We don't reduce the healing journey to soundbites or platitudes.

Instead, we create space for honest discourse. We honor nuance. We value substance over sentiment, understanding over uplift, depth over speed.

This podcast is for people who read deeply, think critically, and approach their healing with both heart and mind. For those who understand that growth is complex, transformation takes time, and the most profound changes often happen quietly.

If you're seeking meaningful conversations about what it means to heal, to grow, and to become you're in the right place.

New episodes weekly. Subscribe for thoughtful listening.

About your host

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Artis Desjardins